The exorcist Oh, wait a minute
by Concept of a demon
Summary: wow, this will be odd. Who wants to read? It's about a young boy getting possessed by LOK. Literally. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Finished.
1. Being possessed by vamps aren't any fun

THE EXORCI.. OH, WAIT A MINUTE! Warning: Reading this fiction will ensure that you go insane. It has no good plot, far too many appearences of the author, clumsy references to music, and Moebius dancing in his boxers.  
  
Disclaimer: Um, I own nothing. Don't sue.  
  
A/N: Another extremely long author's notes, which no one cares about. A self-insertion fic. No it isn't. First of all I get possessed. Second of all, it isn't my character in this story. And the characters are probably out of character. But we'll just have to wait and see, now don't we. And why some of the characters are alive is not something to concern yourself with.  
  
Turel: But you two are so much alike each other, Devil.  
  
Demon: Can it, Turel. And my name is Demon now.  
  
Turel: What's the freaking difference?  
  
Demon: I don't have the time to explain, you ass.  
  
AHEM, anyway, on with the story.  
  
Once upon a time, in the land of Nosgoth. Kain was walking around in the sanctuary of the clans with the soul reaver in hands.  
  
Kain: I'm bored. Where's Umah? (In this alternative universe they are married.)  
  
Umah: (using the whisper) I'm at the stores to buy some clothes.  
  
Kain: But. there isn't any stores in Nosgoth. I have destroyed them all.  
  
Umah: I have found a portal to another world. It will take you to a place called Earth. But you need a host to be there.  
  
Kain: How are you planning to send the clothes back here then?  
  
Umah: A teleportation spell.  
  
Kain: why didn't you just use a teleportation spell to get there in the first place?  
  
Umah: Because I don't have enough magic to transport myself there, so it will just have to be the clothes.  
  
Kain: Okay, but how are you planning on getting back here? And how are you gonna pay?  
  
Umah: I am gonna use my sanctuary spell. And I borrowed your wallet.  
  
Kain: Oh, okay.. (Wonders for a moment) You did what?  
  
Umah: I hope it's okay.  
  
Kain: No, it's not okay. How am I gonna get money now? There aren't any payjobs in Nosgoth.  
  
Umah: Why don't you come here then? It's pleasant.  
  
Kain: Okay, I'll come. I shall come and get you back here.  
  
Umah: Great, see you here. Remember to get a host.  
  
So Kain now have to go to Earth and find Umah in order for him to prevent her from using money from his wallet. Kain just doesn't have a fair life at all, huh? Poor Kain.  
  
Kain: Yeah, why must I go through all this, when Umah have such an easy life?  
  
Demon: Because I'm weird. And considering the facts, Umah took care of you, while you were just sitting on your flat ass, and then you kill her all because she took the Nexus stone from you. And since this has no relevance to the story whatsoever, we will continue.  
  
Meanwhile on Earth, a young boy who isn't me, is talking to his girlfriend Jenny. (First sign it isn't me, I don't have a girlfriend named Jenny. Hell, I don't have a girlfriend. And my name is not Corey.)  
  
Corey: So you wanna come up to the cabin with me this weekend?  
  
Jenny: Yes, but I can't.  
  
Corey: Why not?  
  
Jenny: I have to go to a party with my parents.  
  
Corey: Damn. But you are still coming to the Slipknot concert tomorrow, right?  
  
Jenny: Yes, but I have to go now. I have to pack.  
  
So Corey kissed her goodbye, and then he went home. Well, he was on his way.  
  
In Nosgoth, Kain has gathered all main characters from the LOK universe. Here goes the list.  
  
Kain (Okay, who didn't see that coming?)  
  
Raziel (Both versions of him, vampiric form and soul reaver form)  
  
Turel  
  
Dumah  
  
Rahab  
  
Zephon  
  
Melchiah  
  
Mortanius  
  
Janos Audron  
  
Vorador  
  
Moebius  
  
Hash,ak,gik  
  
Ariel  
  
And a special appearance by . me. No, not really, I just can't think of anymore to send to Earth.  
  
So Kain is crossing of names on the list to see if all are with him.  
  
Kain: Okay, let's see, Kain.. Here. Raziel? Turel? Dumah? Rahab? Zephon? Melchiah? Mortanius? Janos? Vorador? Moebius? Hash? Ariel? Demon?  
  
Demon: Ass. I said, I'm not in this story.  
  
Kain: Oh, sorry.  
  
Demon: although I might make an appearance later on. Might.  
  
Both Raziels: Right here.  
  
Turel: Packed and ready to go.  
  
Dumah: I forgot my chainsaw.  
  
Rahab: Do they have a lot of water on Earth?  
  
Zephon: MUAHAHA.  
  
Melchiah: Why did mommy leave daddy?  
  
Mortanius: North is where your vengeance lies.  
  
Janos: I hope there won't be any fighting.  
  
Vorador: Are there any hot chicks on Earth?  
  
Moebius: I shall kill you all, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
Hash: B..ch I'll kill you. And Moby, you can get stomped by Obie. Nobody listens to techno, now let's go, just give me the signal and I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults.  
  
Ariel: Somebody kill Kain. And shut up Hash, you were the one that started it all.  
  
Hash: Actually, it was Azimuth. She summoned me.  
  
Ariel: So you promptly go on a killing spree?  
  
Hash: Yes.  
  
Ariel: '  
  
Kain: Alright, guys, break it up. Turel, do the spell.  
  
Turel: Clatuu verada ni.. (Has forgot the word, so he opens up his spell book, but it's on the wrong page) ..ke.  
  
A huge rumbling is heard as the demon Pazuzu comes up from the ground.  
  
Hash: B..ch I'ma kill you, you don't wanna f..k with me.  
  
So Hash and Pazuzu starts duking it out, but since Hash is so fecking strong, he easily kicks Pazuzus ass back to hell. Kain pimpslaps Turel over the head twice.  
  
Kain: Ass, say the right words.  
  
Turel: Okay, okay. Keep your skirts on.  
  
Kain: What???? I'll kill you.  
  
Kain is seriously POed, so it takes all the other characters to stop him from killing Turel. Kain breaks free and since I'm a Turel fan, I'll just use my powers to stop Kain. He now sits a room where all the members of Slipknot sits. So they start kicking his ass. This goes on for a while until I think I should save Kain. Since Mick is using his guitar to bash Kain, I transport him away from Slipknot.  
  
Kain: Ouch.  
  
Turel: Clatuu verada nictu.  
  
The whole bunch is flying through a thick layer of mist. Suddenly they arrive.  
  
Kain: What a strange feeling.  
  
Hash: I think we made it.  
  
Corey: Why the hell am I talking to myself?  
  
Kain: Damn, I thought it would be harder to find a host.  
  
SRRaziel: I wonder if this dude can use the wraith blade. (Summons the reaver)  
  
Corey: Ahhhh, okay, recap. I have a glowing sword coming out of my hand, and I'm talking to myself in different voices. What the bloody hell is going on?  
  
Kain: Relax, it's not forever.  
  
Corey: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a preacher.  
  
Hash: Unholy Hell.  
  
Corey: But first, I got to go to that Slipknot concert!  
  
******************************************************************* Will Hash be exorcised? Will the others? Will Jenny be bored at the party? Will anything insane happen at the concert? I have absolutely no idea. But 5 rewievs, we can start talking about it.  
  
Turel: Why the bloody hell are you doing this to me if I'm your favourite character?  
  
Demon: For the fun of it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! Oh, by the way, Corey and Jenny lives in London!  
  
Flamer's note. Feel free to flame, it's gonna be a laugh. You see, I'll laugh over the fact that you are a loser with no life. If you don't like this story, fine, I don't care. 


	2. Exorcisms and Slipknot concerts Very irr...

Disclaimer: I don't own slipknot, their song spit it out, the concert, or LOK.  
  
Long time, no write. I have been waiting for 5 rewievs, but I got 4. I don't want to wait any more, so I'm just gonna continue the story now. But first, the compulsory kudos:  
  
ElemantalAngel - Well, here it is. Hope you'll enjoy this.  
  
Silveriss - Well, since you started to hear voices, I better continue this, huh?  
  
Angel-chan - I'm afraid it's too late, Angel-chan. I have already been possesed by one of dem black demons. Rooarh.  
  
Sarryn - Glad you like it.  
  
And now, to the story.  
  
Turel: aren't you forgetting something?  
  
Demon: What are you referring to?  
  
Turel: Your stupid Turel bashing that appears at any chapter, and most of your rewievs.  
  
Demon: Now that you're saying it, my chainsaw is hungry.  
  
Sounds of chainsaws and screams can be heard. The story will now continue.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Corey is cycling through town on his bike. No, actually, he has a motor bike, so it goes extremely fast. (I don't have a motorcykle. It ain't my character.) He is heading for a protestant church.  
  
Corey: Okay, I seriously don't know who you guys are, but STOP SWERVING.  
  
Hash: Don't make me beat your puny mortal a#%.  
  
Concept of a demon appears and whacks Hash, but since Hash is part of the possession crew, it has to be Corey. (I mean, how could we both appear in the same story?)  
  
Concept: It's a pg-rated story, you stupid demon. Now I'm gonna have to change it.  
  
Turel: But it's censcored.  
  
Concept: Oh, okay.  
  
Corey is pissed, so he rams the bike into my legs. Ouch.  
  
Corey: If we're done here, could we please - No, get that sword away from my arm.  
  
Kain: Where are we going anyway?  
  
Corey: I'm gonna get all of you morons out of me. So we are going to the church.  
  
They all arrive at the church.  
  
Preacher: - And that is why, scissors are a sin. Now I'd like to talk to you about -  
  
Corey burst into the building and yells: a preacher. A preacher. My bike for a preacher.  
  
Scene shift to some kind of room in the church. Corey is strapped to a bed.  
  
Hash: This is getting boring.  
  
Preacher: The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you.  
  
SR.Raziel: Shut up. You are very annoying, preacher boy. I'll just really silence you.  
  
Dumah: No, Raziel, don't.  
  
Everyone else but Corey and the preacher: ???  
  
Dumah: Let me.  
  
Corey breaks free from the very tight and inescapable leather straps (He is possessed by some very strong characters, remember?)  
  
Preacher: Oh, poo.  
  
Later on, some church goers finds the preacher. He has been choked to death with the baptism font.  
  
Corey is on the road again. He's heading home. Okay, he's at home. He's gonna talk to his mother.  
  
Corey: Mom, I'll be going to the Slipknot concert now. Bye.  
  
Mommy: Bubye, honey.  
  
Corey is now at the Slipknot concert. He will for this sequence be called Corey1, since another Corey (the lead singer in Slipknot) will be joining in. This Corey will be called Corey2.  
  
Corey2: London, England. I am going to ask you to do something completely chaotic and f..ng insane. I gonna to ask you for proof that London is the craziest f..ng crowd in Europe, or anywhere else on the f..ng planet. Are you ready to take the f..ng test, my friends? Are you ready to take the f..ng test, my friends? Well, you're about to get your f..ng chance, because this is an old song.  
  
The crowd has been cheering all along.  
  
Corey2: This song is called (dramatic pause) SPIT IT OUT. (Crowd goes extremely loud) (Singing): Since you never gave a damn in the first place, maybe it's time you had the tables turned, coz in the interest of all involved I got the problem solved, and the verdict's guilty. Man nearly killed me stepping where you fear to thread, stop drop and roll, you were dead from the git-go. Big motherf.er, stupid c...er, are you scared of me now, then you're dumber than I thought. Always is and never was, foundation made of p..s and vinegar (is that a curseword?) Step to me, I'll smear ya, think I fear ya, bulls..t, just another dumb punk c...ng at this t%/. Is there any way to break through the noise, was it something that I said that got you bent? Gonna be that way if you want it, sanity, literal profanity, hit me. C'mon.  
  
Spit it out  
  
All you wanna do is drag me down  
  
All I wanna do is stamp you out  
  
Spit it out  
  
All you wanna do is drag me down  
  
All I wanna do is stamp you out C'mon.  
  
The song goes on, and Hash is starting to change his attitude. You know how he used to be a rapper? (Of course you don't, I didn't go into any details about it at all.)  
  
Hash: That is a great band. What have I been doing with hip-hop? This band is much better. Corey, what is the name of this band?  
  
Corey1: Haven't you been listening to me?  
  
Hash: I haven't been listening a lot.  
  
Corey1: They are called Slipknot. They are one of the best bands I have ever heard. (Oops, I just made a similarity between myself and Corey. Damn.)  
  
Kain: I like it, too, Hash. But I can't quite see the stage show. (He starts jumping up into the air. Anone who saw their London concert knows this is a bad idea. He gets a beer bottle in the head.) Oouch!!!! (He quickly finds the person who threw the bottle and a fight ensues. By the way, this went on during the first verse of the song. I'm not gonna write any more verses, because I suspect, that I'll get thrown off ff.net.)  
  
Slipknot's front singer is telling everybody to get down on the ground. He even sends the dj out (though I don't know when.) to get people to get down. The fight between Kain and alot of people is done now.  
  
Corey2: Bam, are you sick of me, JUMP THE F..K UP.  
  
Everybody jumps up in the air. The concert goes on with a lot of beer throwing and fights started by Kain. The concert ends, and Corey is about to go home on his motorbike, when he realizes he's still possessed. And the other characters are starting to wake up now. They have been sleeping through most of the events. And now they start talking because the motorbike is sounding like something very buzzy and dangerous.  
  
Turel: Yawn, what is that noise?  
  
Dumah: Who took my chainsaw?  
  
Rahab: Zephon probably has it.  
  
Zephon: I didn't take it.  
  
Melchiah: But you didn't mind telling me about your plans to steal it.  
  
Mortanius: Actually, I think Janos has it.  
  
Janos Audron: I did, but I gave it to Vorador.  
  
Vorador: Then Moebius stole it from me.  
  
Moebius: And I gave it to my master.  
  
Hash,ak,gik: You are talking about the elder god, you moron.  
  
Moebius: Oh yeah, that's right. D'oh.  
  
Ariel: Don't steal from the Simpsons.  
  
Vraziel: I think the author is gonna steal things from anything he likes. I think there's something about a cabin later on.  
  
Concept of a demon appears once again. He slaps Vraziel.  
  
Demon: Damn omniscient vampiric pretty boy.  
  
Vraziel: Ah, you are just jealous.  
  
Demon: But you are wearing lipstick. I can't say I'm jealous about that for starters. And I don't dig your hair, neither. And people just assume you get a lot of women, there have been no proof.  
  
Turel from my intros appears and drags me out of the story again. Corey has been driving all along, and he now needs to vent his frustrations with the situation, so he starts to drive insanely fast, and before you can say Hash'ak'gik, there is the sound of sirens.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
How will Corey get out of this situation? Did this chapter have any relevance to the story? Where is Umah? All of this will be answered next time on: The exorc oh, wait a minute.  
  
The first five reviewers will make an appearance in the next chapter, if they like to be in it. Only the first five count and there are some demands. You must be signed in when you review. You must have an informative bio, telling relevant info. And your review must not be a flaming. I don't know why I rant so much about flames. I never experienced them. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It took some time to write. But probably not more than 2 hours.  
  
Bye for now. 


	3. Irrelevant stuff

Man, I'm impatient. I can't even wait for 5 reviews. Anyways, I'm writing this on the day before my birthday. But I posted it on my birthday. I hope. May the 8th. I'll be 15. Now I can - Oh no, I'm not telling. I don't feel like getting banned again.  
  
Psycho Virus83: Ahh, give him back. I need him for the story. Oh well, I know how to handle this. (Snatches Corey back.) The reason that vamp-Raz doesn't hurt me back, is because that he now knows just how terrible my chainsaw fetish is.  
  
OrpheumZero: So I will. Oddly enough, they had the very same argument last night. (?)  
  
Okay, here goes.  
  
Turel: Phew.  
  
Where do you think you're going?!  
  
-sounds of chainsaw being litten on fire and cranked on. Cool combination, huh?-  
  
*****************************************  
  
Cop: Aren't you too young to ride a motorcycle, son?  
  
Corey (but it is Ariel speaking. Hehehe.): I'm probably older than you, you hypocrite.  
  
Melchiah: You show him, mom.  
  
Zephon: Shut up, Mel.  
  
Kain: Don't talk that way to your brother.  
  
Cop: ?  
  
Mortanius: Let's double the fun.  
  
Moebius: Yes.  
  
A huge flash appears and lightning strikes Corey. When the smoke clears, 4 vampires are standing next to the cop.  
  
Cop: ??  
  
Sebastian: What in satan's sausages (sorry, Mortalsora) am I doing here?  
  
Marcus: And what's up with Mr. Helmet sunglasses here?  
  
Cop: ???  
  
Faustus: What are all those shining lights?  
  
Faustus jumps back into town, even though they were all 5 miles out of town, uhh city, whatever. And I have no idea how much miles are. We use the metric system here in Denmark.  
  
Corey: Who were that? Tell me now, I want to know what's going on.  
  
Vorador: There are more important matters at foot.  
  
Cop: ????? WHAT IN THE NAME OF HE WHO CANNOT BE NAMED IS GOING ON?  
  
Hash: Well, basically, we are a bunch of vampires/demons/ghosts/pillar guardians who have possessed this young boy, because we are looking for one of us's wife, who have gone here.  
  
Cop: The weirdo who jumped into town, is he dangerous?  
  
Kain: We can catch him, if he's a problem.  
  
Cop: Is he a vampire?  
  
Kain: Yes.  
  
Cop: Catch him.  
  
Magnus: MEAT!  
  
SRRaziel: Yes, we know.  
  
Magnus: MEAT!  
  
Mortanius: But, the ticket.  
  
Corey: Screw that. We got a vamp to catch.  
  
Magnus: WHY IS BOY IN TOO BIG CLOTHING TALKING IN DIFFERENT VOICES?  
  
Kain: He's possessed.  
  
Magnus: OKAY, MASTER KAIN. SAY, LONG-HAIRED ONE, DO YOU HAVE ANY MEAT? COULD I POSSIBLY GNAW AT YOUR ARM?  
  
Corey: Look, buddies, you better get this freak away from me.  
  
Cop: I'll handle this.  
  
The cop tries to strain Magnus. What a dumbass.  
  
Magnus: HELMET WILL JOIN FRIEND FAUSTUS IN LONDON.  
  
Corey: How does he know it's called London?  
  
VRaz: Another omniscient.  
  
Kain: Yes, that happens when you are insane in the same degree as Magnus.  
  
Rahab: Let's just go find Faustus.  
  
*****************************************  
  
Meanwhile, Umah is jumping from host to host. And before you can say "KainRazielTurelDumahRahabZephonMelchiah", you guessed it.  
  
Jenny: What's happening?  
  
Umah: What is this place?  
  
Jenny: AAAARRRGGGHHH, THERE'S SOMETHING TALKING THROUGH ME.  
  
Umah: Well, Ladida. *****************************************  
  
Faustus: My my my, I never seen so many humans in my life. This is paradise. First I get a human dropped in front of me, and he's not even dead, and then there's all these people.  
  
Kain: at last we found you.  
  
Faustus: Kain. You should try this human. It's delicious.  
  
Kain: Okay.  
  
Corey: NO NO NO NO NO NO. I'm sure as hell not going to drink blood.  
  
Dumah: But it's tasty.  
  
Zephon: And it tastes like chicken. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)  
  
For no reason at all, Lars Ulrich from Metallica walks in and play the drumsticks on Faustus' head, effectively knocking him out.  
  
Concept: Thanks, Lars.  
  
Lars: You're welcome. Now stop dragging your favorite bands into the story.  
  
VRaz: Another omniscient.  
  
Kain: For blood's sake, Raziel, stop saying that. He could just as well be insane.  
  
Hash: Who's Metallica?  
  
Corey puts on headphones and Metallica, Master of puppets.  
  
Hash: I like your taste in music, Corey.  
  
Kain: Oh great, now we gotta listen to rock music because he likes that music.  
  
Corey: It's not my fault he's a conformist.  
  
Concept appears and whacks Corey with the end of a "boomstick", saying hypocrite. God, I love that expression, "boomstick". Corey gets extremely pissed, and starts copying DBZ.  
  
Corey: Kaioken 958x. Kamehameha.  
  
Concept: Crap.  
  
Concept is thus knocked out and is unable to continue the story.  
  
****************************************  
  
Okay, Now you gotta review. It pays for my aspirine. If you got any ideas, feel free to tell them to me. Next chapter, I will use anyone who reviewed thus far as guest stars, unless they object, or I can't find any way to bring them into the story.  
  
So, what did you think? 


	4. It's getting pathetic

Disclaimer: Ich eine keine. God, I suck at german. Anyways, what I meant to say was that I don't own a lot of things in this story.  
  
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the fact that I think that the original version of Metallica's "Of wolf and man" sounded odd, because I heard it on S & M first. For all you perverts, that was a concert cd/dvd, not what you thought it was. This story also has been inspired by Psycho Virus83, who was kind enough to give some ideas.  
  
Kudos: I don't seem to be able to get more than two reviews. Anyways:  
  
Psycho Virus83: Umm, are you in love with Corey? Or is it because he's possessed by the LOK characters? Anyways, thou shalt not poke with a spear. It hurts. Also, you will recognize some of the things happening in this chapter. I have included some of the stuff you suggested.  
  
OrpheumZero: Well, we'll just see, won't we?  
  
Turel: You know, concept, I don't think Corey knocked you out hard enough in last chapter.  
  
Concept: Oh, he did, it's just that aspirins don't cost very much.  
  
Turel: You are never gonna be able to pull off getting all of those authors into the story.  
  
Concept: We'll just see about that!  
  
-Sounds of a chainsaw and screaming can be heard as the story is started.- ****************************************************************  
  
So Faustus is knocked out and all are happy.  
  
Magnus: MEAT!  
  
SRRaz: Yes, I know, it's odd. How COULD it be that I lost my omniscience ability in the abyss?  
  
VRaz: I know that! It's because.  
  
4 hours later  
  
Magnus: MEAT!  
  
SRRaz: Of course, how could I be so blind?  
  
Kain: Because your eyes burned away in the abyss.  
  
Corey: How long are you going to have me possessed?  
  
Moebius: Until we find my staff.  
  
Now would probably be a good time to say that Moebius has a very whiny voice. It makes Steve Urcle's voice sound macho.  
  
Magnus: MEAT!  
  
Corey: We forgot it at the concert? Damn.  
  
The bunch (uhh) is now back at the concert hall. The band has left the building. Suddenly, a rythmic drumming sound is heard. It is the best drumming Corey has ever heard. He goes to investigate the sound. It seems to be coming from the other side of the corner. He passes the corner only to see some idiot with way too big pants headbanging the drums. Needless to say, this is going very fast.  
  
Janos: He's gonna crack his head by doing that.  
  
Vorador: Get it? "Crack"? Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.  
  
Concept (the guy at the drums): I don't think drug talk is allowed on a PG- 13 rated story. Now stop trying to get me banned.  
  
Zephon: Oh, great. Now it IS a selfinsertion fic. I better take over world so I can change this.  
  
For no real reason, a hellofalot of smurfs run in.  
  
Sebastian: ORPHEUMZERO TO THE RESCUE!  
  
Some guy named Samuel arrives.  
  
Corey (is being choked by 5 smurfs): How.. ack. is he. get off me. going to help us?  
  
Samuel: That's easy. I'll just transform into my alter ego. MORPHING ORPHEUM!  
  
Samuel gets transformed into a morphine.  
  
Orpheum: GRANDI #5!  
  
Orpheum is now killing smurfs. However, MITISMURF comes in. A creature of ultimate power (yeah, right, he's just pretty strong). He starts to summon 5 million smurfs.  
  
Sebastian: He's gonna need some help with those smurfs. PSYCHOVIRUS83 TO THE RESCUE!  
  
PS-medusa mode: Hehe, smurfs. Gotta kill them.  
  
PS-lisa mode: Is that a stupid man? -points at MITISMURF-  
  
Concept: Yes it is.  
  
PS-medusa and PS-lisa melts together to create: "SUPERPSYCHO"! Defender of dreamers and good stories.  
  
Sorry, it seems that I'm going a little ego-maniac now. That's good. Muahahahahahaha.  
  
Corey: Freaking smurfs.  
  
Orpheum makes his morph sword into some weird 90-edged sword. He then starts killing smurfs. SUPERPSYCHO does the same, except with her whip and it's onetailed. They kill 5 million smurfs. I seem to be exaggerating this story.  
  
MITISMURF: Bwahaha, I will take over the world.  
  
Zephon: OH, HELL NO. That's my job.  
  
Zephon kicks all of the smurfs asses, and then blows up MITISMURF with a hand-grenade. Don't know where he got that one from, though. So, basically, Zephon is the HERO OF THE DAY. Puts the Metallica song on to emphazise point. This pisses off Lars Ulrich. He comes in and plays the drumsticks on Concept's head.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
Jenny: Get out of me.  
  
Umah: Sure. When we find my husband. -whisper- Kain, where are you?  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Kain: I am in a place called London. At some odd tower.  
  
Corey: Screw this, I'm going home.  
  
Kain: Wait, I'm not done yet.  
  
Corey: Too bad.  
  
It is now Monday. Corey is at school.  
  
Corey: God, I hate school.  
  
SRRaz: Let's put vamp Raz in charge.  
  
Math-  
  
Teacher: So, how are we all doing today?  
  
Random girl: Well, I.  
  
Teacher: QUIET! Now, can anyone tell me if you know a good haircutter. I need a haircut, because my wife is very hair-raising. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. -The teacher is practically rolling at the floor and anyone else is just rolling their eyes.-  
  
Kain: God, he sucks.  
  
Teacher: Up to the principal, young man.  
  
Principal office-  
  
Principal: Now, Corey, I'm very disappointed. You stay after school to write at the chalkboard: I will not say my teacher sucks. And you write it a hundred times.  
  
Corey: But it's not me.  
  
Dumah: Screw this. -kills principal.-  
  
Corey: Great, I'm probably going to be blamed for that, too.  
  
Corey starts to shake. All of a sudden, he goes mad. He goes into the hand. He starts to punch himself in the face. He grabs his hair and flips himself over. He goes down into the leg. He kicks backwards and hits his head. Goes flying into the wall. Kicks forward and flyes backwards. He does a Matrix move and sits in the air, kicking himself in the crotch. He then starts choking himself. All of those from LOK inside of him is getting pissed off by this.  
  
Melchiah: Please stop hurting me, mister.  
  
Zephon: You are gonna die!  
  
Rahab: Self-destruct!  
  
Dumah: You are not a pokemon, Rahab.  
  
Turel: Haha, Rahab thinks he's a pokemon.  
  
VRaz: Knee him in the groin.  
  
SRRaz: But Vorador is in charge of that place.  
  
VRaz: Yeah, I know.  
  
Mortanius: Guess who's in the hand.  
  
Corey slams his hand into the desk and impales it with a knife. He grabs for a chainsaw.  
  
Corey: Get out of me, you freaks.  
  
He slaps himself on the side of the head, and out flyes Moebius.  
  
Moebius: I know where you live. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  
  
Corey: No, really? Well, I wasn't there with all you guys anyway.  
  
Magnus: I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE!  
  
Corey: Why are you still here?  
  
Magnus: I WANT MY MEAT!  
  
Corey: That guy certainly makes some intelligent conversations. Oh, hi, Jenny.  
  
Jenny: Hi, Corey.  
  
Kain: Hi, Jenny.  
  
SRRaz: Hi there  
  
VRaz: Well, what do you know.  
  
Turel: Who is she?  
  
Dumah: Wanna see me flex my muscle?  
  
Rahab: No, Dumbass, she wants some intelligence.  
  
Zephon: She has to meet me then. But first, I will take over the world.  
  
Melchiah: Hello, ma'am  
  
Mortanius: Shut up, you little punk.  
  
Janos Audron: Be more nice to the children, Morty.  
  
Vorador: Hey, there, hot stuff.  
  
Hash,ak,gik: She would make a proper sacrifice.  
  
Ariel: Shut up, ass. -kicks Hash, but in order to do this she must kick Corey-  
  
Jenny: What the hell are you doing, Corey?  
  
Corey: Well, it seems that I have been possessed by some odd people. They are looking for their wife.  
  
Ariel: You mean Kain's wife.  
  
Vorador: aww, I was hoping for some.  
  
Concept: Finish that sentence and I'll kill you with this chainsaw.  
  
Silveriss: I thought I heard Rahab?  
  
Rahab: You did.  
  
Silveriss starts pulling in Corey. But it doesn't work.  
  
VRaz: Rahab, get up in the head.  
  
Rahab: Okay.  
  
Corey then kicks himself in the back of his head, and out comes Rahab.  
  
Rahab: Free at last.  
  
Silveriss: Wohoo. Wanna come to my class with me?  
  
Rahab: Sure. You look like a swell person.  
  
Vorador: Swell?  
  
Corey: Whatever. Everybody. Get up in my head and I will kick you out.  
  
Kain: This trick has outlasted it's usefulness.  
  
Corey: Why?  
  
Kain: It just has.  
  
Vorador: Swell up, if you know what I mean.  
  
Sarryn: God, Vorador, you suck.  
  
Vorador: What are you doing here?  
  
Sarryn: The author is running out of ideas to continue this story with, so he just smacks in some authors as he promised.  
  
Angel-chan: That's right. Hey, can Raz come out and play?  
  
Vorador: hehe, you are worse than me.  
  
Angel-chan: Not that way, you moron.  
  
Jenny: Umm, I better be going. -runs away-  
  
Corey: No wait, come back. Damn you guys. Oh, wait, my day is over. I'm going home.  
  
Some crazy teacher: But you are supposed to write.  
  
Later, the janitors find the corpse of some unfortunate teacher.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Night time.  
  
Corey: We are sleeping on my back.  
  
Hash: Stomack.  
  
Corey: back.  
  
Hash: Stomack.  
  
Corey: back.  
  
Hash: Stomack.  
  
Corey: back.  
  
Hash: Stomack.  
  
Corey: back.  
  
Hash: Stomack.  
  
Corey: back.  
  
Kain: Side.  
  
All but Hash, Kain and Corey: Yeah.  
  
Some funky disco music is playing in the living room and Corey's mom is screaming. Corey quickly runs downstairs to see the most horrifying sight to ever be seen by anyone: Moebius dancing in his boxers only.  
  
Moebius: Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion!  
  
Corey: I don't even want to know.  
  
Mortanius: My eyes have been smothered.  
  
Marcus: But you were his college roommate. You must have seen it before.  
  
Mortanius: Yeah, but he was young back then.  
  
Sebastian: When is Faustus waking up?  
  
Corey: Don't know. Lars Ulrich must have hit him pretty hard on the head.  
  
Lars Ulrich then appears and plays the drumsticks on his head.  
  
Concept: Gonna need some heavy aspirin for that.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Okay, that means, give me reviews. And more than 2. Otherwise, it will be long before I update again. Corey and the others have to wake first, and who knows what Moebius will do while Corey and co. are asleep.  
  
Damn, this took a long time to write. 


	5. Concept looses it

Kudos:  
  
Bahamut: Why don't you read the story and see?  
  
Mortalsora: Good. I don't feel like getting sued. Strange? Good.  
  
OrpheumZero: Well, haven't exactly seen it. But I have seen Army of Darkness, and that was what got me into chainsaws. Thanks for this one. Glad you're scared. Then it worked the way it was supposed to.  
  
Psycho Virus83: Glad you liked the way I did it. More of your ideas appear in this. -looks at Medusa- umm, hehe, glad you're restraining her.  
  
Popeland: Of course it is random. It's supposed to be.  
  
Authors note: For once I actually got 5 reviews. Not that they can be seen at FF.net due to the server problems. Praise God for the review alert thingy.  
  
Turel: I thought you didn't believe in God.  
  
Concept: I don't. It's just a saying. Like "kick his ass".  
  
Disclaimer: Again, some of these ideas come from Psycho Virus83. I still don't own LOK.  
  
Turel quietly sneaks away.  
  
Concept: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? You're gonna be my test subject.  
  
Turel: Uhh, use him instead. (points at Moebius).  
  
Concept: Good idea.  
  
Splatters of blood and other gore stuff is seen as screams in a highpitched voice is heard. A deep laughter is heard, as the story goes on.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
It is morning. Corey needs to take a bath. However, he is the only one who is awake. He starts the shower, then screams loudly in multiple voices.  
  
Kain: Damnit, why'd you have to do that?  
  
Corey: Do what?  
  
Kain: Shower us with water.  
  
Corey: I need to take a bath.  
  
Dumah: Why?  
  
Corey: First of all, my head hurts from the pounding Lars Ulrich gave it. (At this, Lars comes in.)  
  
Corey: AAAARRRGGGHHH, DON'T HURT ME.  
  
Lars: Should have thought of that before you mentioned me.  
  
(The following sequence is said in danish, but for your convenience, it will be translated to english)  
  
Concept: Lars, hvorfor kommer du frem hver gang man nævner dit navn? (Lars, why do you appear every time your name is mentioned?)  
  
Lars: Det er straffen for at bringe mig ind i denne historie. (That's the punishment for bringing me into this story.)  
  
Concept: Idiot. (That one's self-explanatory.)  
  
Lars then plays the drumsticks on Concept's head. Ouch.  
  
Corey: Screw this. The second reason is that I don't want to stink. The third.  
  
Zephon: We get it. Now get done with it.  
  
VRaz: You know, Concept, this story is full of plot holes.  
  
Concept: Never said it would make sense.  
  
SRRaz: Touche.  
  
Corey suddenly looks down himself.  
  
Vorador: This one's better equipped than me.  
  
Concept finally looses it.  
  
Concept: Hhg. Hrah. Jaahhrrg.  
  
He pulls Vorador out of Corey and starts beating him. He spin kicks him 5 times, backflips him 20 times, and then starts kneeing him in the groin.  
  
Vorador Twitches a bit.  
  
Concept: I feel better.  
  
Faustus has woken up.  
  
Faustus: Haha, Vorador is gay.  
  
Satan himself appears.  
  
Satan: Yo, dawg. That'sta a bad attitude, yo know what I'm saying, dawg? (Again, sorry, MortalSora)  
  
Every one but Concept: Huh?  
  
Concept: Look, Satan, I'm in the middle of writing a story, and your appointment isn't before 6 pm.  
  
Satan: Chill, dawg, chill. I'm just guesting your mofo story.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Jenny: What do you want with me?  
  
Moebius: Oh, I just need you to kick your self in the back of your head while I pull a vampire out of it. And then maybe I'll rape y.  
  
Moebius gets no further as he is kicked so hard in the groin that he starts coughing up seme. eerrh, blood.  
  
Umah: Run for it.  
  
Jenny: Who are you anyway?  
  
Umah: I'll transfer it to you telepathically.  
  
Jenny: Okay.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Kain: What the hell is he doing in your story?  
  
Lars: That was a horrible pun, Kain.  
  
Satan: Fo sho, dawg.  
  
Lars: I'm a human, not a dog.  
  
Satan: Ask me if A care, dawg.  
  
Concept: Alright, that's it. Back to the clinic.  
  
Sebastian: Why in Lucifer's hot dog (sorry, MortalSora) should he leave? He's cool.  
  
Satan: At last some one recognizes ma talent.  
  
Hash: What talent, you red asshole?  
  
Satan: To kick yo ass, biatch.  
  
Hash and Satan starts duking it out. However, Satan has the upper hand.  
  
Magnus: WHAT IS RED DUDE BEING TREATED FOR, BOY IN TOO BIG CLOTHING, WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?  
  
Concept: He thinks he's a hiphopper.  
  
Marcus: Shouldn't you give him anger management instead?  
  
Concept: Why?  
  
Satan: Who's yo daddy, huh? Who's yo uncle, huh?  
  
Hash: Well, my dad is Beelzebub, and my uncle is Leviathan.  
  
SRRaz: I think it was rethorical.  
  
Satan: Screw yo, dawg.  
  
Concept: ENOUGH.  
  
Satan is sent back to hell. And just for fun, Vorador is sent with him.  
  
Concept: Hash, you're too much trouble.  
  
Hash: Screw yo, dawg.  
  
Concept: Damnit, not you too.  
  
Janos: It seems he has gone back to hip hop.  
  
Magnus: DON'T STATE THE OBVIOUS.  
  
For no real reason, some good looking girl walks by.  
  
Concept: What a beauty. How do I get her to be my girlfriend? I know. (Runs off)  
  
Kain: let's find Moebius.  
  
Janos: What for?  
  
Kain: We're gonna pound the everliving snot out of him.  
  
Janos: What for?  
  
Kain: We need a reason?  
  
VRaz: We don't. Just do it.  
  
So they find Moebius. And Jenny. Moebius is doing something very horrible to her. He's disco-dancing in his boxers again. He's doing that finger in the air move and then starts moonwalking, all the while singing badly.  
  
Moe: Everybody dance now.  
  
Jenny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH (breathes) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH (breathes) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH (breathes).  
  
Moebius: Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion! Do the motion!  
  
OrpheumZero appears.  
  
Orpheum: Not this again. It's freak nasty.  
  
He takes out his morph blade and turns it into the biggest axe the world has ever seen.  
  
Axe: CHOP!  
  
Kain: Finally. He's dead.  
  
Bahamut: Nah, he only lost his arm.  
  
Turel: Isn't that the thing that Concept thinks is cool?  
  
Bahamut: Nah, then it's gotta be the hand.  
  
Turel: Oh yeah.  
  
VRaz: Another omniscient.  
  
Concept: STOP SAYING THAT.  
  
Concept then straps on his dil. VORADOR, GET AWAY FROM THE KEY BOARD.  
  
Concept then straps on the chainsaw he got from OrpheumZero and cuts off VRaz's hand.  
  
Concept: That's better.  
  
VRaz: WOOAARRGGHHHHOUCHIES. I'M GONNA GET LARS ULRICH TO PLAY THE DRUMSTICKS ON YOUR HEAD FOR THAT.  
  
Lars appears but he plays the drumsticks on Vamp Raz's head.  
  
Ariel: Concept, you pompuos ass. You have made another plot hole. You ran off to try to get it on with some girl.  
  
Concept: Uhh, yeah. Let's see how that turned out.  
  
Scene shift to some balcony. The girl is sitting at a balcony and looks down on some stupid idiot with too big clothing and an accoustic guitar, who's playing something from the start of "Nothing else matters".  
  
Bahamut: Self ironic bastard.  
  
Concept: Who?  
  
Bahamut: You.  
  
Faustus: I don't think Lars Ulrich likes that you are ripping off Metallica, Concept.  
  
Concept: You're right. I'm gonna hide in Corey.  
  
Corey: Oh, hell no.  
  
Concept: Oh, hell yes.  
  
Lars: Where is the rip-off?  
  
Moebius: He is inside of Corey.  
  
Concept: Moebius, you ass.  
  
Lars plays the drumsticks on Corey. He falls into the swimming pool, that I have just placed there for my convenience even though it wasn't there before. So every vampire inside of Corey gets soaked in water.  
  
Kain, both Raziels, Janos, Turel, Dumah, Zephon, Melchiah: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.  
  
Concept: Breathe.  
  
Kain, both Raziels, Janos, Turel, Dumah, Zephon, Melchiah: .UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!  
  
Corey slowly gets out of the water. For no real reason at all, Dogmeat from Fallout 1 and 2 appears and bites Moebius in the groin.  
  
Dogmeat: For the Starfather.  
  
Kain: Huh?  
  
Concept: You probably have to have played Fallout 2 to know it.  
  
The girl (let's call her Christina) looks at Concept with hearts for eyes. She runs over to him and glomps him.  
  
Kain: Okay, seriously, what girl would want you?  
  
Christina whispers something in Concept's ear.  
  
Concept: This girl is insane. She just told me she wants to rape me.  
  
Janos: Why would she just now start to like you then?  
  
Concept: I guess the whole absurdity of what just happened destroyed her human mind.  
  
Zephon: Then why aren't you affected?  
  
Concept (in Eric Cartman voice): BECAUSE I'M THE OMNIPOTENT AUTHOR AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH THIS STORY. AND GIVE ME SOME CHEESY POOFS. No, I mean.  
  
Kain: Figures. Girls will only date you if they are insane.  
  
Concept: OI!  
  
Kain: Sorry, I didn't mean that. (to himself) I wonder if I can get Lars Ulrich to drum him out.  
  
Kain who is inside of Corey then gets knocked out by Lars Ulrich who has started to whip out 2 baseball bats that now serves as his drumsticks. Therefor, Corey gets knocked out again, ending the story.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Will Christina rape me? Will Moebius dance in his boxers again? Will I get 5 reviews? Will Vorador survive in hell? Find out by making the 3rd question come true. 


	6. It can't get any worse

Disclaimer: I don't own south park, Metallica, LOK, Leonardo De Caprio, or the dyslexic devil worshipper joke.  
  
Kudos:  
  
Dark Sephy: Thankies for the idea. Grins.  
  
Mikototribal: The key to surviving a slipknot concert is to watch out for the audience. Or perhaps you should just stay near the back of where the concert is. If you want a good slipknot site, try this one www.black- goat.com It has a lot of good stuff. Thanks for the many reviews. Appreciated.  
  
Psycho Virus83: I did use one of your ideas. The pool thing last chapter.  
  
MortalSora: No, Mortal, the key is, the girl has to be insane. Then it will work. I am unique? That's the first time I ever heard that. Thankies.  
  
OrpheumZero: Yay, you finally managed to slay him. By the way, when did Kain get near Moebius in SR2? (makes a connection) Oh my god. I should not have thought of that. The horror. I'll have nightmares for weeks.  
  
A/N: Wow, I got 5 reviews in 2 days. That has to be a record.  
  
Turel: Yeah, for you, since your stories suck so much. The only thing you do is make clumsy references to Metallica and South park, followed by the YMCA done by Moebius in his boxers and a few bad attempts to pick up girls.  
  
Concept: I have a chainsaw.  
  
Turel: Eep.  
  
Concept: I hope they fixed the whole âE thing.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Corey has woken up. To say the least he is groggy. And he looks funny. Think Leonardo De Caprio in "what's eating, Gilbert Grape?". Or better yet, think Leonardo De Caprio. And he's talking as if he's drunk.  
  
Corey: Grmbl. get the. Fukin. Arrgh. Hurt. Head. Where is. Damn. Stupid Danes. Stupid Kains. Where. Satan. Ouch.  
  
Rahab appears again.  
  
Rahab: What are you talking about, dude?  
  
Corey: Damn. Stupid fish. Runs of with. some girl. Comes back later. Do you want to apoligize???  
  
Rahab: Huh?  
  
Concept: He didn't get his aspirine.  
  
Corey then gets his aspirine. He is still a little groggy however.  
  
Corey: Do you guys think Satan is a redneck?  
  
Rahab: ?  
  
Concept: That was a horrible, stupid and worthless joke, Corey.  
  
Corey: So what? You're the one writing this.  
  
Concept: That's still no excuse for making puns.  
  
Kain: Bah. Hey, I wonder what Vorador is doing. Hey, why did I say "Vorador is" instead of shortening it?  
  
Concept: Because FF.net turns it into âE.  
  
Kain: Okay.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile in hell.  
  
Vorador is being hurled down a spiral of fire.  
  
James Hetfield: Little boy, you are going to hell. You said bad words threw rocks at the bird, and now this is your hotel. You ain't going back, this ain't Disneyland, it's hell.  
  
Verse 2  
  
James Hetfield: Little boy, it is time for you to pay. For hurting that bird and not going to church and staring at boobs every day. Now you must stand in hell, you are going to hell.  
  
Vorador finally lands on the bottom. There are billions upon billions upon billions of people there.  
  
Vorador: Isn't that a bit many?  
  
Concept: Exaggeration promotes the understanding.  
  
Lars: You can't translate danish proverbs into english.  
  
Concept: So?  
  
Lars: Screw this. I'm outta here.  
  
Concept: No, how am I going to end my chapters now?  
  
Vorador: Screw that. There are many good looking girls here.  
  
Concept: Indeed.  
  
Moebius: Isn't hell supposed to be a bad place?  
  
Concept: Not when I am writing it.  
  
Vorador: That is what happens when you let a satanist near a computer.  
  
Moebius: So this is your idea of heaven, concept?  
  
Concept: Heaven? No, this is my idea of Hell.  
  
Moebius: So it is reverted to you?  
  
Concept: Perhaps. But I don't want to be up there with all the fundies.  
  
Moebius: Fundies?  
  
Vorador: Slang for fundamentalists. But I think there are liberals up there as well, Concept.  
  
Concept: Then what do you call that?  
  
Concept points to a bunch of people standing near a demon.  
  
Demon: All right, everybody. Gather up. You are all in hell.  
  
Crowd: What? Why?  
  
Some dude 1: But I followed the catholic approach.  
  
Some gal 1: I followed the evangelist way.  
  
Some dude 2: I was a baptist.  
  
Some gal 2: I was a protestant.  
  
Demon: Yes, but you all had the wrong religion.  
  
Catholic dude (formerly known as some dude 1): But which religion was the right one, then?  
  
Demon: Mormonism.  
  
Crowd: God damn it.  
  
Demon: No, he damned you. Follow me please.  
  
Moebius: ?  
  
Vorador: I am sure there was some fundamentalists among them.  
  
Concept: yeah, gotta have drugs.  
  
Vorador: Huh? Oh.  
  
Both Concept and Vorador is looking at some good looking girls. For reasons unbeknownst to Concept, he is sent back to earth.  
  
Rahab: All right, Concept. Now you gotta get your act together and tell us what is gonna happen in this story.  
  
Concept: Well, most likely a bunch of clumsy references to Metallica and South park, followed by the YMCA done by Moebius in his boxers and a few bad attempts from me to pick up girls.  
  
Rahab: So I am no longer needed?  
  
Concept: Of course you are. You are gonna tell me how I get away from Christina.  
  
Rahab: I thought you were in love with her.  
  
Concept: I am.  
  
Rahab: Why do you want to get away from her, then?  
  
Concept: I want to do that?  
  
Rahab: You just said you would.  
  
Concept: Oh well I don't.  
  
Every body but Concept falls over Anime style.  
  
VRaz: Oh great, now he started the anime references. This story truly gets dumber and dumber.  
  
Concept: Hey, why is Moebius in hell? He was a mormon.  
  
Everybody else: HE WAS WHAT?  
  
Concept: What? Did you not know?  
  
SRRaz: I thought he was rastafarian.  
  
Concept: He converted a month ago. Better get him. Wouldn't want all of those girls down there getting scared.  
  
Turel: They are in hell, the most scary place ever. How could Moebius be frightening?  
  
Concept: He could start YMCA'ing in his boxers.  
  
Turel: I see your point. Hey, when did Moebius die?  
  
Concept: Orpheum finally managed to kill him. He mutilated him badly. Moebius was beyond repairing.  
  
Kain: Why did he ever get repaired anyway?  
  
Concept: Well, everyone wanted a piece of him. He was much hated.  
  
Dumah: I don't blame them.  
  
Zephon: I wish I could have had a slice. That ass was in the way of me getting the world several times.  
  
Mortanius: But usually he could get revived anytime he died as long as there was something left of him?  
  
Concept: Yes, but then Magnus ate him.  
  
Magnus: VERY BAD MEAT. MAGNUS PUKE FOR MANY MOONS.  
  
Mortanius: Point taken.  
  
Ariel: Why did you make the freak speak like an indian?  
  
Concept: I did?  
  
Suddenly, the group finds Hash and Satan drinking some beer from Raziels secret stash.  
  
Both Raziels: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
  
Concept: Breathe.  
  
Both Raziels: .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't be.  
  
Hash to Satan: So, hehe, so did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper?  
  
Satan: What about him?  
  
Hash: He sould his soul to Santa.  
  
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Concept: Breathe.  
  
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Sebastian: Concept, are you insane or something?  
  
Concept: Nah, just stupid.  
  
Faustus: That explains a lot.  
  
Christina: Helloo, handsome.  
  
Concept: Hey there, hot stuff.  
  
Christina whispers something in Concepts ear.  
  
Corey: What did she say?  
  
Concept: None of your business. *Runs off with Christina*  
  
Kain: Well, I guess that's it for the story. Looks like it's over. Finally.  
  
Concept appears and knocks out Corey. He then leaves with Christina again.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
If you are offended by this chapter, (due to what I said about religion earlier on) then let me tell you: I don't care. If you are offended that's your problem and not mine. Why should I be afraid to offend anyone? If you can't handle jokes, you shouldn't be reading this.  
  
To anyone else, thank you.  
  
Again, 5 reviews. 


	7. The exorc oh, wait a minute

Disclaimer: Due to the fact that I'm writing this as I go and therefore don't know what's gonna happen, I decided to say that I only own Corey and Jenny.  
  
Kudos:  
  
Psycho Virus83: Yep, but now Corey knows their weakness. Let's see what happens. Hmm. -looks at Medusa- Is she in love with me or something? "A good improvement"? It was bad before? -Breaks into uncontrollable sobs. Psycho Virus83 tries to comfort him, but- I feel better. -Psycho Virus83 falls over Anime style-  
  
Turel: Enough with the Anime references.  
  
Concept: Sorry.  
  
Dark-Sephy: Thanks for pointing that out. I will get some kind of "story line" up again. But it will be stupid, rest assured.  
  
MikotoTribal: Aha, good idea. No disco. Hehe. But lots of nu-metal. (And Moby doesn't like that, heheheh). As for the drinking age, I don't really know. After the age of 13, people just drink heaps of alcohol whenever they can. It's "cool", you know. On a related note, I had my first drink of alcohol when I was ten. I thought it was Cola. Umm, pretty dumb of me.  
  
OrpheumZero: Ehe, slight misunderstanding. But you should really be glad you don't know what I was thinking. It was horrible. As for resurrection, I just had a plan.  
  
MortalSora: Well, just got 5 reviews, (not at the same time) so it will be continued now. By the way, my fic isn't insane. It's just stupid. (in the sense of not having any plot or seriousness to it.)  
  
A/N: Okay people, this is the second-last chapter. Which means next chapter will be the last. (cheering from all the characters but me that appeared in this fic is heard).  
  
However, I have a sequel planned. (all the characters but me that appeared in this fic groans) For a long time actually. I'm gonna call it "The shining. Oh wait a minute." It will be some kind of parody on the shining. Imagine Kain going crazy on the Overlook hotel. And in true "oh wait a minute" style, it will be just as stupid and pointless as this one. Hey, now I know what I will call my humour (insert snort and sarcastic nodding here) series. It won't involve Corey and jenny however. Unless I use them as guest stars. Ass for the rest of this story, GET AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD, VORADOR, as for the rest of this story, I will make Corey reenact (parodize, in english) Evil dead 2 in this chapter, and army of darkness in the next one. Muahahahaha. So inspect some chainsaw/boomstick fun. (insert snort and sarcastic nodding here). But I wonder who will lose the hand this time.  
  
Turel: You know, Concept, in chapter 1 you said Jenny would come to the slipknot concert, but when you actually got to the concert, Corey was the only one there.  
  
Concept: The first of many plotholes.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Moebius: Why didn't I go to heaven, God? I've converted to Mormonism. I don't like it down here. They play Limp Bizkit and Linkin park and Sum 41 down here. It was a good place for Concept. Why?  
  
God: Because Concept of a demon is a satanist. And he is writing this and he doesn't like you, so he sent you here to disappoint you. However, he doesn't want any of the good looking girls down here to be scared by you, so he is going to send some people down here to get you back to earth.  
  
Moebius: I don't wanna go with them.  
  
God: Well, there is another way.  
  
Moebius: Really?  
  
God: Yeah, here's what you need to do-  
  
Meanwhile on earth  
  
Corey: Hey, you guys are burned by water, right? (Plunges into a swimming pool.)  
  
Kain, VRaziel, Turel, Dumah, Zephon, Melchiah, Janos: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSS!  
  
Concept: Breathe.  
  
Kain, VRaziel, Turel, Dumah, Zephon, Melchiah, Janos: But we're done.  
  
Concept: Oh, okay.  
  
Turel: You know, Concept, you have appeared so many times lately in this story, that it should be called a self insertation fic.  
  
Concept: You're right. (dissappears never to be seen again. Unless I make a plot hole again.)  
  
Kain: Finally got rid of that asshole.  
  
Cue plothole. Concept appears and whacks Kain. Concept dissappears again.  
  
Corey: How am I gonna get you guys out of me? I am sick of being whacked because Kain is a dumbass.  
  
Turel: Okay, you want us out of you? Here are the instructions: First you must go up to this cabin in the middle of absolute nowhere. There you must recite these words: Clatuu Verata Nictu. Repeat them after me.  
  
Corey: Clatuu Verata Nictu.  
  
Turel: Again.  
  
Corey: Clatuu Verata Nictu.  
  
Turel: Again.  
  
Corey: I got it, I got it. I know your damn words, alright? What is the next part?  
  
Turel: Once you have recited the words, you must cut your hand off with one of Concept's chainsaws and throw it into a portal that will appear. (Does some of this make sense?)  
  
Corey: Cut my hand off? Got it. (Damn, is he dense?)  
  
Turel: Meanwhile we will sleep in your hand, because that is nescescary for the whole situation. We must be asleep so no waking us up.  
  
Corey: Good. Then go to sleep.  
  
Scene shift to some random "cabin-that-is-actually-the-cabin-from-evil-dead- 1-and-2".  
  
Corey: Oh man, I forgot all the other freaks. And that dude that dances in his boxers.  
  
Lighting strikes outside of the cabin. Corey goes out there and sees Sebastian, Faustus, Marcus, Magnus, Rahab and Vorador. And Hash of course.  
  
Marcus: WE'RE HERE. WE'RE QUEER- Oh wait a second.  
  
Faustus: Damnit, Marcus. No more gay jokes. You know Concept don't like it.  
  
Marcus: Bah, what can that joke do to me?  
  
Cue plot hole. Marcus is dragged into some screwy dimension. When he reappears with the group, he is curled up in a ball and whimpering.  
  
Marcus: So.Much.Backstreet.Boys.Gonna.Die.From.The.Horror.  
  
Faustus: I warned him.  
  
Magnus: WHAT GONNA HAPPEN NOW, BOY IN TOO BIG CLOTHING WHO IS ACTUALLY SOME DUMB MANIFISTATION OF THE AUTHOR?  
  
Everybodyelse: Huh?  
  
Jenny appears.  
  
Jenny: Enough of this. (But not in her usual voice. Her face is twisted into a wrinkly grimace and her voice sounds old and shrill.)  
  
Sebastian: The horror. Moebius has possessed her Evil Dead 2 style.  
  
Corey: Oh hell no. Hang in there Jenny. I'm gonna get him out of you.  
  
Moebius: I'll take you instead.  
  
Corey: Oh hell no. I'm not gonna dance in my boxers.  
  
Moebius: We'll see, my boy. (flyes towards Corey)  
  
Corey: AAAARRRGGGHHH. (is possessed)  
  
Moebius: Haha, now dance my boy, dance.  
  
Corey's hand is doing all kinds of weird movements.  
  
Corey: Ha, you're in my hand, you old fart.  
  
Moebius: No, I don't freaking believe it. Oh well. (starts punching Corey)  
  
The next scene is basically a reenaction of the hand scene in Evil dead 2. Corey is hammering plates and whatever he can find unto his head. He also punches himself in the face alot. Well, actually it's Moebius doing this. Corey finally reaches for a knife. He jams it into his hand. He instinctly grab for a chainsaw. But there is none.  
  
Rahab: Ah, screw it. CONCEPT.  
  
Concept: What?  
  
Rahab: Chainsaw, please.  
  
Concept hands him a chainsaw.  
  
Rahab: Hey, Corey, grab.  
  
Corey: Haha, who's laughing now, huh? Who's laughing NOW, AhahahahahahaAAAARRRGGGHHHOUCH.  
  
Hash: Not you clearly.  
  
Corey (in extreme pain because he just lost his hand): Shut up. You're ruining the one-liners.  
  
Rahab: gingi blambu dashta naftu klumat etsu.  
  
Corey: Huh?  
  
Rahab: I'm trying to open the portal.  
  
Corey: Oh okay. Hey, where'd my hand go?  
  
The hand is running around like a crazy.  
  
Rahab: You gotta catch it or all will be lost.  
  
Corey: it's too freaking fast. Who would have known that old fart could run so fast in hand mode. Hey.  
  
Corey has gotten an idea. He grabs the chainsaw and the nearest shotgun. Though I don't know how when he only has one hand.  
  
Corey: Come with me to the tool shed, fishy.  
  
After much work in the tool shed Corey has a chainsaw strapped to his arm Evil dead 2 style. He cuts some of the barrel of the shotgun with the chainsaw. And yes, it is a double barreled shotgun. Corey looks (in Ash style) at Rahab and Magnus, who has come to see what's going on.  
  
Corey: Gnarly, dude.  
  
Rahab: Hurry. We must find your hand and get Umah out of Jenny.  
  
They return to the cabin. They find Jenny and Rahab quickly exorcises her. The hand, however, is nowhere to be seen. Corey is looking around for it. It appears in a mousehole and gives him the finger. Corey makes the fighters from Dragon ball Z jealous because of the speed he pulls his shotgun with. The hand is hit head on.  
  
Sebastian: Was that a pun?  
  
No, damnit.  
  
Sebastian: Okay.  
  
The hand however is still too fast. It latches on to Corey's throat. Like one of those hands from Blood 1. Damn, they were annoying.  
  
Corey: Ack. Get it off.  
  
He quickly gets it off. He kicks it into the portal.  
  
Rahab: You forgot to say the words.  
  
Corey: Oh shit.  
  
Every remaining LOK character quickly jumps into the portal. Corey tries to make up to his mistake.  
  
Corey: This is easy enough. Clatuu Verata nic- Uhh. Necturn, nickel, neck. It was a N-word. It was definitly a N-word. Hrrm. (looks around him to see if anyone is watching him.) Clatuu Verata Nic (fake coughing.) Okay. I said it. (Is yanked into the portal.) Damnit. I'm not reenacting Army of Darkness.  
  
Concept: We'll see, my friend. We'll see. Mwahahahahaha.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Wow, that sure was pointless. And short. They are usually at 8 pages. However, now Corey is free. Or is he? Oh yeah, he is. But he is not in our world anymore. Where could he be? That will be answered next time on "The exorc oh, wait a minute". Which will appear next time I get 5 reviews. Remember to tell me if you want to see the next chapter in the series done. No point in making it if no one wants to read it. So remember to tell me. You still have the chance in next chapter, though. As always, 5 reviews or I won't continue.  
  
Hmm, I have this feeling I forgot something. I wonder what it is.  
  
-Turel is seen sneaking away quietly. He quickly gets mugged by Slipknot.- 


	8. I don’t have any chapter title

Disclaimer: At this point, it is unnescescary as you all know what I own and what I don't own.  
  
Kudos:  
  
Mikoto Tribal: You sure want this story to go on, huh? Since you find it nescescary to tell me that you're number 5. As for the Backstreet boys, trust me, something worse will happen in this chapter.  
  
Dark Sephy: Yep, however pointless it is, there is a storyline. However, this fic has never made much sense.  
  
Psycho Virus83: Now I'm sure. Medusa has a thing for me. I'm glad you liked it.  
  
OrpheumZero: Normally he's a slow runner, but you have to remember he was in a hand, and thus had 5 "legs" to run with.  
  
sylvanon the wolf gurl: Yep, you have to watch out for those magisters. They will spell your doom. And yes, I did just make a horrible pun.  
  
A/N: Well, here it is. The final chapter for this story. Odd, I thought it would be longer. This chapter is superior to all the other chapters in the fact that this one is more insane. Trust me. If you read it, you WILL go insane.  
  
Now, last chapter I forgot to bash Turel. He was mugged by Slipknot at the end, though. I am not gonna make the same mistake this time.  
  
Turel: Somebody please save me. What about Bush?  
  
Concept: Good idea. (kills Bush for being a hypocrite.)  
  
Now, from the guy who writes even if he has writers block (which would explain the weirdness) comes the last chapter of the story "The exorc.. Oh wait a minute". It is entitled "I don't have any chapter title." Enjoy. \m/_ _\m/  
  
********************************************************************  
  
The scene is the air above the Nosgothic Abyss. As if there are any other abysses. Something comes falling down.  
  
Kain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (WHAM)  
  
Umah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (WHAM)  
  
VRaz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (SLAM)  
  
SRRaz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Turel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (BAM)  
  
Dumah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Rahab: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Zephon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Melchiah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Vorador: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Janos: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Moebius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Mortanius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Hash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Ariel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Sebastian: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Marcus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Faustus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (THUD)  
  
Magnus: I WANT MY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT (THUD)  
  
What we are looking at is the biggest dogpile ever. At the sanctuary, something else is going on.  
  
Corey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (WHAM)  
  
Corey comes crashing down through the roof. For some reason, a car crashes down there, too. All of the vampires (minus Vorador)/whatever comes in.  
  
Kain: Home at last.  
  
Magnus: MEAT!  
  
SRRaz: What the hell is he doing here? (points at Corey)  
  
Turel: Did you speak the incantation, Corey?  
  
Corey: Yeah, basically.  
  
Turel: Did you say the excact word?  
  
Corey: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, but basically I said 'em, yeah.  
  
Turel: Dung eating fool. Thou hast doomed us all.  
  
Corey: Wha?  
  
Zephon: Yeah, speak english.  
  
Turel: Okay. You f... asshole. You screwed us all over.  
  
Corey: Well, what's gonna happen?  
  
Turel: The horror. It is absolute. First, we will experience some sort of Army of Darkness rip-off.  
  
Corey: We've been ripping Army of Darkness off, ever since chapter 1. Last chapter was a complete Evil dead 2 ripoff, I think I can survive it.  
  
Turel: So can we. But there is a soundtrack we'll also have to think about.  
  
Corey: Oh great. Another break in the 4th wall.  
  
Turel: The soundtrack is made by N'sync.  
  
Corey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHAT HAVE I DONE?  
  
Turel: And they will team up with Limp Bizkit.  
  
Corey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHAT HAVE I DONE?  
  
Vorador comes in. He's holding a bottle with a white substance in it. Moebius is thirsty, so he snatches it and drinks it.  
  
Moebius: Ahh, that was good milk.  
  
Vorador: That wasn't milk  
  
Everybody but Moebius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DISCUSTING. (I'm so getting banned for this one. And flamed.)  
  
Mortanius: Just for that, I'm gonna kill Moebius and Vorador.  
  
Moebius: Give me a kiss, Umah.  
  
Moebius gets no further as Corey jams the chainsaw into his spine and blows his head off with the boomstick.  
  
Vorador: Damnit, Moebius. That was for my brides.  
  
Kain: No details, Vorador.  
  
VRaz: Allright, no one revive him. Let him stay dead.  
  
Ariel: We can't. What else are people gonna promise reviewers to beat?  
  
Kain: Turel?  
  
Turel: No, I get enough of that in this story. (Waits for Concept to come and beat him up) Hey, I think we got rid of him.  
  
Kain: Let's test it. Concept of a Demon is a stupid asshole. (Nothing happens) We're free from his reign of terror.  
  
Dumah: Where is the sanctuary of the clans? I can only see the pillars and nature here.  
  
Suddenly, a bunch of knights appear. They are humming a funny tune. (if you have seen "Robin Hood- men in tights", you know what it is.)  
  
Malek (the leader): All vampires are kill. They them.  
  
Everybody else: What?  
  
Malek: They are vampires. Kill them all.  
  
Everybody else: Oh.  
  
Corey: Bring it on.  
  
Malek: Pleasure with.  
  
Everybody else: What?  
  
Malek: With pleasure.  
  
Everybody else: Oh.  
  
Malek pulls his pole. He is about to jab Corey with it, when the blade is shot in 2 pieces.  
  
Malek: What trickery is this?  
  
Corey (talking to the knights): All right you primitive screwheads listen up. See this? This-Is-My-BOOMSTICK. And it will blow you away.  
  
Malek: I know when I'm beaten. RETRETE.  
  
They ride away. And yes, the knights are humming that hilarious tune.  
  
Malek: Oh shut up.  
  
Corey: Okay, let me guess. I have to get a book.  
  
Rahab: Why?  
  
Corey: What should I do to get home?  
  
Rahab: Well, we could make a potion with those ingredients we have. But one ingredient is missing. We need a heart of darkness for the potion. And we don't really want to hear any N'sync/Limp Bizkit music. The soundtrack machine can be found at the sarafan stronghold. It is powered by the heart of darkness, so destroy the machine, get the heart and we will send you home.  
  
Corey: how do you know all that?  
  
Rahab: The vampiric version of Raziel told me.  
  
Corey: Oh. So, when are we going?  
  
Kain: When we have disposed of Moebius. Let's reenact Raziel's execution.  
  
They all hurl the remains of Moebius down the abyss.  
  
Suddenly, 5000 black demon arrive and start beating the shit out of Kain and Turel.  
  
*The following sequence is so very violent, that the reader would go insane with grief from having it described. Seeing it would simply cause you to melt into a pile of goo.*  
  
Kain: Ouchies.  
  
Turel can barely breathe. Concept of a demon arrives at the scene.  
  
Concept: Never insult me. Sooner or later it will come back and bite you in the ass. I control all of those black demons.  
  
Corey: How come you control them?  
  
Concept: Because I'm the concept of them. \m/_ _\m/  
  
Corey: OOOOkay.  
  
VRaz: The sarafan stronghold is heavily guarded. We are all gonna fight to our max.  
  
Melchiah: Aren't they supposed to be bad fighters?  
  
VRaz: yeah, but there's 5000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000 of them.  
  
Corey: 0_o. okay.  
  
So for the rest of the day and the rest of the night, they plan how they are going to do it. Vorador makes a perverted pun every once in awhile, resulting in him getting his had cutted off several times with the aid of his healing ability.  
  
Kain: All right everybody, tomorrow we attack the stronghold. Every body get some sleep. And bring your best weapon. Oh by the way, Turel and Rahab, get the special guests.  
  
Rahab and Turel: Yessir.  
  
The next morning, everybody is excited. They want to kick some arse. Suddenly, lightning flashes and from that lightning appears: The Magnus inquisition.  
  
Magnus 1: Meat.  
  
Magnus 2: Meat.  
  
Magnus 3: Meat.  
  
Magnus 4: Vegetables.  
  
Magnus 1: DAMNIT, NOT THIS AGAIN.  
  
(Man, MortalSora is gonna sue me sooner or later)  
  
******************************************************************** Hi. This is the author speaking. I currently have some enemies. I know they are out there. They are spying on me, planning my ultimate doom. Currently, one is trying to sneak up on me and take over the keyboard. Oh my god, he's coming right for me. No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... ******************************************************************** Like, wow, is Brittany Spears just hot or Whaaaaat? And Christina Aguilera. And J-lo has the best ass like, forever.  
  
Oh, hey, I just corrected some geeks. LOK as it is called is like the stupidest game ever. People who like it are like whatever soooooooooooo geeky. I mean there aren't any Backstreet boys soundtrack, Lain has soooooo bad taste in clothes. And Raziel, Blue is sooooooooooooooooooooo last summer. Try green. It is sooooooooooo much better.  
  
How people can have oppinions of their own eludes me. I mean, come on, critics have already given the games bad reviews. That means the games suck of course. Oh wait, my clothing is out of fashion, I gotta change. Bye.  
  
******************************************************************** Hi. This is Concept of a Demon speaking again. What you have just experienced, was the talking of a "teeny-bopper." I am terribly sorry for putting you into this, but I get many money. And since I believe in greed, I had to do this. You see, scientists wants to see what the behaviour of a "teeny-bopper" is like. The symptoms of a "teeny-bopper" is usually like so: Overuse of the words "like" and "so", statements that make George Bush seem intelligent, and a little too much caring for what the world thinks of them. They also have grammar that would make Yoda jealous.  
  
No, seriously, when I do something like that, it usually means I'm out of ideas. I know the teeny-bopper part was terrible. Please try not to flame me too hard for putting you into this. Once this sequence is over, my ideas will have come back.  
  
The whole point of that last sequence was to show you what will happen if I run out of ideas. So for whatever's sake, tell me some ideas for the next fic. What I need ideas for right now is how to drive Kain crazy at the Overlook hotel. However, don't tell me here. Tell me when I get to writing first chapter of that fic. Not before.  
  
By the way, I'm sorry for subjecting you to this horror.  
  
PS: I'm up at 11 pages of this chapter right now. Then again, I'm writing in size 14.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Ahem, the fic will now continue.  
  
Kain: Everybody have their weapons?  
  
Everybody: Yeah.  
  
A few shouts for "MEAT" is heard in the background.  
  
Magnus 4: Vegetables.  
  
Magnus 1 2 3: NO, MEAT.  
  
(Hey, 12 pages.)  
  
Kain: For king and CASTLE! Bloom, blood and death.  
  
Everybody else: ???????  
  
Kain: Vae Victus.  
  
Everybody: Ahh.  
  
They all attack the sarafan fortress. The 5 gazillion or whatever sarafan starts to get ready to kill but they are pretty useless so it doesn't matter.  
  
Corey is cutting down sarafans to the left and right of him with his chainsaw. He occasionally shoots somebody down with his boomstick.  
  
The five Magnuses are immolating left and right and 4 of them occasionally eat their enemies, all along they have been screaming MEAT!  
  
Kain is using the blood reaver to destroy many upon many sarafan. He makes liberal use of the blood gout spell.  
  
The Raziel who has the soul reaver is destroying anything that comes within one mile of him.  
  
The other one is flying high in the air and is spitting on his enemies.  
  
Janos is flying around with Melchiah on his bag. Melchiah is throwing rocks at the sarafan. (Many people are gonna sue me, and in this case it's light.)  
  
Zephon is basically copying DBZ, along with Dumah and Mortanius.  
  
Hash is using his brute strength to wack many sarafans around.  
  
Turel and Rahab are using spells to destroy many sarafans.  
  
Vorador is telling dirty jokes. The sarafans heads explode. Need I say more?  
  
Now, the womens aren't at the battle field. You may think this is chauvinistic, but if they were at the battle field, the battle would be over in 2 minutes. (page 12, by the way.) The amount of broken teeth, popped testicles and destroyed skulls would also scare me. And since this battle has to last some time, they aren't there.  
  
Finally, the outer troops are destroyed. Now, right now, N'sync was supposed to be playing as a battle soundtrack, but I don't know any lyrics and besides, no one cares. So just pretend there is one. The LOK characters and Corey doesn't like this, so they storm the castle. They can't find the ghetto blaster, however, and becomes pretty frantic looking for it.  
  
Turel: If you put on the Metallica song to emphazise your point, I'll kill you myself.  
  
Raziel: Perhaps it is William the Just's tomb.  
  
Corey: "Just". "Justin Timberlake". That would make sense.  
  
When they arrive at his tomb, after many minutes of looking (since I always have so much trouble finding my way in the sarafan stronghold) they open the door and sees Moebius doing something he has done many times. But now he isn't wearing his boxers. He's wearing a Thong. Worse, his back is turned to them. So is something else.  
  
All, but Moebius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! THE HORROR. WE'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES FOR WEEKS.  
  
Corey: How did he survive?  
  
Moebius: Oh are you here? Well, who is down the abyss?  
  
Both Raziels: The Elder god.  
  
Moebius: yes. And he's very dissapointed in your progress. (his eyes suddenly turn red? And I'm at page 13)  
  
SRRaz: Finally I have a chance to kill him. (Jumps at Moebius with a fully charged Reaver. Now Moby finally dies. (Insert snort and sarcastic nodding here) Well actually, only the elder god since Moebius will always survive.)  
  
Corey: And now to N'sync. (Pulls out a bazooka and shoots the ghetto blaster.) Oh shit, I must have destroyed the heart.  
  
Janos pulls out his heart.  
  
Janos: Here's one on the house.  
  
Janos regenerates his heart.  
  
Corey: You could have done that all along? Why didn't you just do it from the start?  
  
Janos: We needed your help.  
  
Corey: Let's just make the damn potion.  
  
Finally, after much work, the potion is done.  
  
Turel: I must recite some words before you can drink, Corey. Cif txen ym htiw pleh em evig lliw ouy.  
  
Rahab: Before you drink, you must recite the words "Clatuu Verata nictu."  
  
Corey: Clatuu Verata Nictu. (drinks and instantly wakes up next to Jenny who is taking care of him.)  
  
Jenny: You're awake.  
  
Corey: Yep. But I sure had a screwy time.  
  
Vorador: "Screwy"?  
  
Corey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHH. What are you doing here? I said the exact words.  
  
Vorador: You forgot the exclamation marks.  
  
Corey: Damnit. How do YOU feel, Jenny? Are you alright after having that old fart inside you?  
  
Jenny: Yep, even though when I was possessed, I had an urge to dance in my thong.  
  
Corey: O._.=. Oh well, we'll live.  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Wow, I never thought I would finish this story. Oh well. It is finally over. And I know I filled some pages with people screaming. That was just to take up room.  
  
Now, the conditions for me continuing with the next story is: 10 reviews, somebody telling me that you want to see the next story (what happened to the 5 review only? Feel free to email me some ideas, too.) (I'll probably make it eventually, it's just the faster you review, the faster I write), me getting inspiration, and a good deal of free time. And that last one will probably be a problem, since I'm going to be in the 9th grade. Hence, I'll probably have much homework.  
  
Turel: What about the weekends?  
  
Me: Yes, perhaps. We'll see.  
  
Ps: I left a subliminal message somewhere in the story. It will affect your consciousness. Hehehe.  
  
Pss: If you don't know what story I'm talking about making, go read ch. 7 again.  
  
Well, I certainly had a good time. And please people, don't sue me. 


End file.
